Inhale. Hold. Exhale.
Yes, we all want to live a certain kind of life. We all have some dreams and hopes that we want to accomplish. But honestly, how many of us actually end up traveling the world, or buying that house, or moving to that country, or finally quitting that job and pursuing your passion. Not many, huh? There are too many responsibilities and obligations. Sometimes we are too comfortable in the dysfunctional patterns that we have created and are so used to. So how do we stop cribbing and start doing?
There are so many motivational posts and blogs to read. I have read them too. And yes, they do motivate you for the 10 seconds that you take to read them. I have also saved innumerable screenshots on my phone from Pinterest and Instagram (no kidding!). But see no one tells you how to get out of the cobweb of thoughts and actually clean the mess.
I am a creative myself who intends to visit at least one new country every year, sketch those illustrations I love doing, do more impact oriented development work that was a part of my job and make enough money while doing all of this to lead a comfortable life. To add to it, I don’t come from some super wealthy family, idea of success in my family is only hard work and commitment, my parents are sort of dependent on me and I also have old grandparents and a younger sister to look after.
These endless responsibilities always overwhelmed me and I have cribbed about them at least 70% of my life until now. The saving grace was my super cool and understanding grand father who retired as an Air Commodore with the Indian Air Force and at the senior age of 60 decided to start a business so that he could provide for the family. He always questioned the status quo, pushed boundaries, and showered us with immense love. That’s how he brought me up.
He taught me-
” Do what you have to do. Don’t give up. Don’t make excuses.”
And he didn’t have to say a word. His actions were enough. Some man, I tell you! He sold his business when he was 80 as there was no one to take it forward. I was still in school back then. But here on, a lot changed. As a family we became more mindful of our savings and expenditures. Growing up, seeing different shades of life teaches you things no school can ever teach you. But no matter how much I complain, I was always protected and cared for no matter how independent my family pushed me to be. I was always under the wing of my grandfather.
Last year, he had a brain stroke that shook my very existence. I was here, in this world, because of him. I was this person, whoever I was because of him. He was the tree trunk my whole family branched out off. Seeing him in that painful state stirred emotions I was not ready to confront. I was weak and scared for him, for my family, for our future but then I had to be strong, again, for him, for the family, for my family’s future. My family needed to know that they are safe. I won’t let anything happen to anyone. I am there. But inside, I was feeling things which can’t be explained in words. I was not prepared for this. I had no idea how to handle a household, all the finances, emotions and relationships, everything. I had no idea how one man held everything and everyone together, understanding everyone’s individual needs and desires.
Right when we were going through this turmoil, I got hit by jaundice and was hospitalized followed by 3 months of bed rest. So here is the scenario, grand dad is hospitalized, I am hospitalized, dad is perpetually unwell and needs attention, grand mom, mom and younger sis (who was here for a couple of weeks, thank God for that!) are super stressed and taking care of everyone and everything. Of course, help came from my relatives and cousins (my dad’s sister and her daughter were with us day in and day out, helping and supporting the family).
But let’s get to the point.
In a few weeks, my grand dad and I both started recovering. My grand mom and mom gave us so much love and care that not only improved our health, it brought us closer and made all of us more patient and understanding towards each other. Those 3 months of bed rest and confrontation with some deepest fears, gave me so much time for introspection and gaining perspective. At this point of time,
- I had left my job.
- I was heart broken and getting out of a serious long-term relationship.
- I had faced the worst fear of losing my grand dad.
- I was hospitalized and probably my weakest health-wise.
- I was 24 and family needed me emotionally and financially.
This was probably my lowest low. And I had only 2 options. Continue with the cribbing, blaming and cursing everyone and yourself.
Or CHANGE. EVOLVE. BREAK THE PATTERNS. TAKE CONTROL.
And that’s what I decided to do. Evolve. Well, you see, even that’s a problem. I didn’t know what to do and where to start. I didn’t even know how to think about this. That’s where being a design researcher helped. I took this as a design challenge.
Statement of Purpose: Design the life that you want
I have been working on this for a while and I feel a lot of people go through this crisis at some point or another. I am going to document my hit and trial methods and learnings, step-by-step for anyone who might need it. I am experimenting and maybe you’ll gain something from my experiments.
Love & Light.
~S
The Spinning Wheel 